


You Will Be the Death of Me (And I Will Like It)

by MickeyDarling



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Choking, Constructive Criticism Welcome, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Masturbation, My First Fanfic, Oral Sex, Pining, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 20:23:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14722983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MickeyDarling/pseuds/MickeyDarling
Summary: You will consume meBody, mind and soulAnd I will let youA passion so intenseIt burns hot and brightSoon, only ashes will remainI will let you be the death of meAnd I will like it





	You Will Be the Death of Me (And I Will Like It)

     Ryan hated his days off from work. He was usually the last person to leave the office during the week and often found reasons to come in Saturdays. Every morning he would go to the gym for at least two hours and always found a way to hang out with people in the evenings. He even started volunteering with a local animal shelter on Sundays. Anything he can do to make sure he isn't left alone with his thoughts for too long.  
  
     Sometimes he felt like a shark. Like if he stopped moving he'd die... Someone would die. The thought creeping up on him as he sat on his couch, trying to knit a scarf.  
  
    _Someone._  
  
     He pushed that thought away to the back of his mind and tried to focus on his hobby of the month and the podcast that was preventing silence. He was always trying new things to keep him occupied, but they never really satisfied that _itch_. They only ever succeeded in making him feel more discontent and his current interest, knitting, was no different.  
  
     It was a beautiful Saturday night and he had attempted to try and make plans with people, but surprisingly enough, everyone was busy. Thankfully, his best friend and co- worker, Shane had been free in the afternoon. So they got lunch at this hipster- y place Shane liked and then went to the theater for a matinee. Some new action movie that was incredibly loud and full of explosions. When the movie was over though, Ryan had to get pie alone. It had become a kind of ritual for them to get pie after seeing a movie and dissecting everything about what they had just watched. But Shane had to rush off. Said he had a "hot date" to get ready for. When he said it, he flashed Ryan a mischievous grin and a wink. An expression that always made Ryan smile, whether he wanted to or not. A large, toothy grin that stretched from ear to ear, lighting up his whole face. And with that Shane gave a tiny salute and said, "See you later, alligator!", turned and his heel and strode off. Ryan wheezed a small laugh at the use of such a folks-y expression and watched him go. It wasn't hard to continue watching him, even ten feet away. Shane was incredibly tall, making him difficult to lose in a crowd, made even more obvious by the odd hats he would occasionally wear. But despite his extra- long limbs, he always seemed to take his time. Never rushing off anywhere too quickly. He always seemed so calm and confident and sure of himself. It was obvious in how he moved but also how he spoke. Never afraid to get silly, but always logical and rational. Ryan was jealous of that. He was an insecure man by any means, but he did tend to be quite anxious and jumpy. He supposed that's why their show for BuzzFeed worked so well. Shane, the relaxed skeptic and Ryan, the high- strung believer! Jumping over every noise he hears when they investigate haunted locations.  
  
     He couldn't stop thinking about Shane. His lanky, eight- foot limbs. His toned, slender frame. The way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he laughs. The way he holds Ryan's shoulders when he's freaking out. The way he says his name. His long fingers. How they would feel wrapped around his throat...  
  
     He's already dropped his knitting, his making it's way to rest on the bulge forming in his sweatpants. His head resting on the back of the couch, eyes tightly pressed together. He imagines Shane's body pressed tight against his, making him feel small, his breath on his skin. His hand moves under the waistband of his pants, gripping his cock tightly. A bead of pre- cum already forming. He slides it down his shaft, slowly picking up speed. He imagines Shane's cock being just as long as the rest of him. Imagines it thrusting down his throat. It only takes a few more strokes and he's gone. Shane's name on his lips as he cums all over his hand and stomach. He releases the air from his lungs he hadn't realized he was holding.   
  
     Ryan sits there for a moment, panting as if he'd just come back from a jog. Eventually, he gets up and cleans himself off in the bathroom and changes into clean boxers. He stares at himself in the mirror in his bedroom, bathed in the soft, orange light from his bedside lamp. He realizes why he'd been feeling especially antsy that night.   
  
     Shane had a date.  
  
     This wasn't the first time he had gotten off thinking about Shane, but he was always able to convince himself the attraction was purely physical. He was a gorgeous man! Who wouldn't want to be fucked by him?! So why did it bother him that Shane had a date?  
  
      _Because you know you'll never have him_.  
  
     No. It was more than that. He'd always known he never had a chance. Ryan figured he'd never settle down with anyone. He knew he couldn't. That his future was one filled with one- night stands and meaningless hookups.  
  
      _Because you don't deserve love_.  
  
     He knew he wasn't okay. That there was a darkness simmering within him that he went to great lengths to hide from everyone around him. Ryan didn't want to burden anyone with it, knew they wouldn't understand. That they would fear him. And the last person he wanted to scare off was Shane.  
  
     He checks the time, 12:36am.   
  
     He sighs and heads out of the bedroom for his tiny kitchen. He pulls a half empty bottle of bourbon from the freezer and unscrews the cap, tossing it on the counter. He shuffles back over to the couch and slumps onto it. He takes a long swing from the bottle, the amber liquid burning his throat in a not entirely unwelcome way. He feels his thoughts start to quiet down a little already. He reminds himself, like he always does when he drinks, not to make this a habit. He puts on some bad horror movie on Netflix and eventually starts to drift off to sleep. The last thought that goes through his mind,   
  
      _He will never love you because of what you are._

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Long time lurker, first time writer. I got an idea in my head and decided to run with it! There are definitely going to be more chapters. I kind of have a story worked out so if this first chapter seems super vague or unsatisfying, I apologize. It is going somewhere, I promise! But it will be dark. I will be updating the tags as I go. I would also really appreciate hearing what you think! Thanks for reading!


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